that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
