Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
