how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
