he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
