I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone signed my nipple.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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