I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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