I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize