we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
