I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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