A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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