If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
