Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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