Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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