So drunk its hurt
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
