Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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