Duck Duck Cougar?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
