my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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