Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
