apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
