im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
