that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
