If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
