You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
