i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
