I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
