I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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