dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
