she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
