I wish I only lived at night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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