Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
