he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
