I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
