I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Terrible idea I love it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
