pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
