apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
