Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
