wanna go halves on a baby?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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