Don't you send me to vm
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
