I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
