I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
