Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
