don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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