Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
