I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
