I wish my penis had an off switch
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
