her vagine was all disorganized.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
