She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
