Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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