her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
