Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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