My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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