Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
