y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
