Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
