My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
