i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
