bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
