i may or may not be watching the land before time
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
