No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
