3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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