So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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