wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
