the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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