Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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